On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
