Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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