Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Randomize
