Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize