Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
