when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
