I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
