Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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