6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
