She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
