why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
