Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
