god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
