Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
