Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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