the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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