why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
