Come see our sink grown plant.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
