today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
