You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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