i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
