margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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