if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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