Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
