i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
