Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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