can u get pink eye on your cock?
pop tarts are not kleenex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
