that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize