after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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