i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
