He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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