I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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