we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
