this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
