He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I love black thongs
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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