just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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