Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
