I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
