My hair reeks of homosexuality.
...so i touched it.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
