The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
