This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
