I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
as a side note pls kill me
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