Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
