Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
