Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
