so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
