New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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