Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
