guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
