So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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