I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize