I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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