Who wears a wallet chain?!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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