Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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