He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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