You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
