in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
