I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
3pm strippers are depressing
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
