I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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