If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
