im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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