Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
