I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
