Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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