Apparently you make a good broom.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
